auntie cake

New Sleigh Bells

2012-01-25T17:04:00.000-08:00

Everyone is posting the new Sleigh Bells video for the second single off their new album Reign of Terror, "Comeback Kid," but I'm going to post it too since I've been listening to it over the past few days.

Sleigh Bells - Comeback Kid - Music - More Music Videos

Pretty poppy, her voice sounds pretty and she looks great in the video. Could totally be a hit. Doesn't blow my socks off, but maybe my expectations are so high since I loved their first album so much. Let's just say I'm definitely hoping the rest of the album sounds a lot harder.

The FIRST single released in December is more riff heavy. Listen to "Born to Lose," below

The System comic

2012-01-25T10:15:00.000-08:00

Found a comic called The System by Rosscott, Inc. He posts a lot about bikes but other stuff too.

Mark Ronson, Spank Rock and bikes

2012-01-22T10:37:00.000-08:00

Saw this music video yesterday at the Bicycle Film Fest which toured through Santa Barbara this weekend:

"The Bike Song" by Mark Ronson feat. Kyle Falconer and Spank Rock

Kinda wish there was more Spank Rock in this, I haven't kept up with him but really liked some of his songs from 2006's Yoyoyoyoyo. I don't really know the other two guys, although I've heard of Mark Ronson (he's some kind of DJ/producer right?) and am just realizing that he's kinda hot.

Here are some more songs I dug up by these guys:

Mark Ronson feat. Q-Tip and MNDR in "Bang Bang Bang" (officially released as Mark Ronson and the Business Intl)

Spank Rock "Put that Pussy On Me" (Diplo Remix):

Spank Rock feat Amanda Blank "Bump" from Yoyoyoyoyo

What are your thoughts on Lana del Rey?

2012-01-18T15:46:00.000-08:00

Gorilla Vs. Bear listed Lana Del Rey's song "Videogames" #3 in their top songs of 2011

I gotta admit, I like this song. I like her voice and the whole Brigitte Bardot thing she has going on.

Am I supposed to dislike her? I'm out of the loop. Is she just overbuzzed because she's pretty, and therefore people dislike her for being overrated? I heard she 'tanked' on SNL but I listened to it and thought she sounded fine. She looked awkward, but then, don't most musicians look awkward on SNL? I remember cringing through a Radiohead performance a few years ago. I mean, I LOVE Radiohead and think they always sound great (nor am I saying Lana is anywhere near the same level of Radiohead) ...but even Thom Yorke is awkward. Thom Yorke is the definition of awkward. Am I crazy?

---added 1/26/12---

Here's Stereogum's review of her first full album. I love that they compare her to early Fiona Apple! Remember what a nutter everyone made Fiona out to be, but then it turned out she was really great? Their review of Lana's album is bad, aside from her first few singles, but not utterly hopeless. I'm interested to see and hear what comes of her in the next few years.

2012-01-12T08:01:00.000-08:00

I've been sucked into Pinterest. It's kind of like this:

Mostly I've been using it to collect home decorating ideas, but now my feed is turning into a more feminine version of Reddit. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

I don't imagine Pinterest will hold my interest for too long. It kind of reminds me of when I got into Polyvore, which didn't last too long either. (see: Outfits based on album covers)

Portland & Carrie Brownstein

2012-01-11T09:11:00.000-08:00

I enjoyed reading Margaret Talbot's article in The New Yorker about Carrie Browstein and Fred Armisen, creators and stars of "Portlandia."

photo by Gabriele Stabile for The New Yorker

I like how they're just two buds who are into the same things and managed to make a successful tv show. I like "Portlandia" a lot, maybe because I've been to Portland several times and I totally love Portland. Portlandia's second season just started on IFC, but I will be catching up on the first season on Netflix Instant (recently added).

Brownstein must be a busy gal. She's currently in Europe on tour with Wild Flag. Their debut album on Merge Records was on a lot of 'Top Albums of 2011' lists. So good.

Best of 2011

2012-01-04T22:16:00.000-08:00

I suck. For the past few years I've compiled a "best of the year" mixed tape. For 2011, I got nothin. Without a radio show I just haven't had the opportunity or motivation to listen to any new releases. That sounds like such a lame excuse. What happened to me?

Luckily, Information is Beautiful compiled this nice graphic based on a collection of Top 10 lists.

I haven't heard any of these albums. I didn't even know St. Vincent and PJ Harvey had new albums out this year. I guess the good news is I got a bunch of iTunes giftcards for X-mas and now I have a better idea of what to spend them on.

Don’t ask, “What do you think of my bloomers?”

2012-01-03T18:01:00.000-08:00

This list was mildly amusing, from Brain Pickings:

A List of Don’ts for Women on Bicycles Circa 1895.

Some of my favorites include: Don’t cultivate a “bicycle face.” and Don’t discuss bloomers with every man you know.

(c) Kate Beaton from Hark, a vagrant comics

While you're at it, read the rest of this comic about a female velocipede (aka bicycle) rider from Hark, a vagrant.

Men and women can't be friends?

2011-12-17T10:43:00.000-08:00

This amusing video from Jesse Budd and Patrick Romero attempts to answer the question:
"Can men and women be just friends?"

Unsurprisingly, their answer is no. But they're only polling good-looking college kids. I wonder if the answer would be different if they polled, like, people in their 30s?

I mean, *I* have guy friends who are just friends... right?

via Doobybrain

Robyn, killing it.

2011-12-13T13:32:00.000-08:00

"Call Your Girlfriend" as performed on SNL.

Her performance is mesmerizing. Quirky, and kind of awkward. Those shoes! Those pipes!

The lyrics to this song slay me. I occasionally tear up when I hear it, as I do with "Dancing On My Own" (the second song she performed) also on Body Talk. So heartbreaking. It's rare for pop music to make you cry, isn't it?

Party animal!

2011-11-30T11:04:00.001-08:00

Can you relate?

from Gemma Correll via JR on Twitter

A virgin couples first kiss!

2011-11-28T20:28:00.001-08:00

This is the funniest thing I've seen all day. Is this real? OMG.

via the hilarious Kelly Oxford

Just a robot wishing for a joyride

2011-11-28T11:03:00.001-08:00

Cute.

Address Is Approximate from The Theory on Vimeo.

I'm going to France!

2011-11-17T15:52:00.001-08:00

I'm traveling to Lyon, France in a few weeks to speak (on behalf of one of my professors) at an LED conference. Luckily enough the conference is being held at the same time as Lyon's annual Festival of Lights. The pictures I've seen make it look really amazing!

I also heard Lyon a very food-oriented city so I'm looking forward to drinking some wine and eating some crepes. I don't speak a lick of French, though, which complicates things. I imagine it it might be like this sketch from Big Train.

Secret to a happy life?

2011-11-06T17:57:00.000-08:00

From calm blue oceans

Goth girl dance party

2011-11-02T13:02:00.000-07:00

Someone reminded me of this Real Life song today (although they mistakenly attributed it to Erasure!). Got me reminiscing about my goth girl phase and going to Stigmata at The Ruby in Hollywood.

Real Life's "Send Me An Angel" (1983)

Ah, dark wave, getting shy weird people to dance alone for 25 years... Here are a few others.

Peter Murphy's "Cuts You Up" (1990)

Sisters of Mercy "Dominion" (1987)

extended version with "Mother Russia"

The Cult's "She Sells Sanctuary" (1985)... one of my favorite Rock Band songs!

This made me smile.

2011-10-30T09:25:00.000-07:00

Awkward Black Girl

2011-10-23T15:33:00.000-07:00

I just found out about this webseries "The Misadventure of Awkward Black Girl," created, written, directed and starring Issa Rae. I love anything with a socially inept lead character and these were pretty amusing.

Here's an episode where she goes on a first date with a white guy. It's super awkward!

Watch the rest of the episodes here

We’re becoming the men we wanted to marry

2011-10-22T11:50:00.000-07:00

Wow, this was a great read! Kate Bolick's All The Single Ladies, published in The Atlantic, discusses what it's like to be a single women over the age of 30, mixing anecdotes and statistics to explain the implications of the waiting-to-marry and maybe-never-marrying as a generational phenomenon.

...While the rise of women has been good for everyone, the decline of males has obviously been bad news for men—and bad news for marriage. For all the changes the institution has undergone, American women as a whole have never been confronted with such a radically shrinking pool of what are traditionally considered to be “marriageable” men...

All five pages at http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2011/11/all-the-single-ladies/8654/

Oh yeah, there was FYF

2011-10-20T15:10:00.000-07:00

Went to FYF again this year and planned on writing a review, but I was too distracted by the bad fashion worn by like 95% of the attendees. When you're a skinny, 18-year-old girl you can get away with wearing a lot of odd things and still look okay, but I still don't get the whole high-waisted mom-jeans made into too-short cutoff-shorts look. That doesn't look good on anybody, OK?

Anyway, Broken Social Scene was great. Yacht, The Cults and Pink Mountaintops were pretty good. The food choices were a lot better than previous year. I can't really elaborate any more. Not sure why I was less into FYF this year, maybe because I'm less knowledgeable about the latest bands/songs/albums. I guess that's what happens when you're an irrelevant former DJ.

Here's a recap video released today by FYF organizers. Summer lovin. Music by Glass Candy, one of the bands I missed.

FYF 2011: The Best Day Of Summer from CATJAM Studio on Vimeo.

Don't hate.

2011-10-16T12:48:00.000-07:00

I'm under a tight deadline to get some new results on my research project so I'm working a lot of extra hours in the lab lately. I haven't taken a day off in weeks. And so here I was yesterday, in the lab on another beautiful Saturday afternoon, feeling really depressed because my latest set of samples didn't turn out well at all. I was definitely feeling at a low point of my graduate career yet for some reason watching Phil Collins videos on Youtube was really hitting the spot.

Before you stage a music intervention, let me state that my dad listened to a lot of Phil Collins when I was a kid, so I was probably feeling sentimental nostalgia for my family. Also, this song was in particular speaking to me because I really just wanted to go the fuck home.

Oh, the drum machines. Oh, the hair. Seriously, what is going on with his hair? Anyway, this may be avoidable cheesy 80's adult contemporary, but Phil Collins is still a solid songwriter.

If you haven't heard the songwriter segment of This American Life's "Break-up" episode featuring Phil Collins, listen to it here. (also embedded below)

How to ride a bicycle

2011-10-14T18:43:00.000-07:00

Because it's Friday and I needed a laugh.

Here's the full Youtube version

I Need Nothing except a donut, maybe

2011-10-13T18:23:00.000-07:00

So busy lately, I'm too busy to even find a music video to post. Here's one my friend Adam found from the Parenthetical Girls.

I Need Nothing - a nearly useless odyssey from Cãoceito on Vimeo.

No Handed Bike Moves

2011-10-11T11:05:00.000-07:00

"Golden Tree" by Martin Brooks from Ninian Doff on Vimeo.

via Doobybrain

Three Word Phrase

2011-09-30T08:54:00.000-07:00

This comic is really funny! Especially if you like dark, nonsensical comics about butts and boners and poop.

Really nice time by Ryan Pequin

Thank you, R.E.M.

2011-09-22T14:21:00.000-07:00

R.E.M announced yesterday that they were splitting up after 31 years.

To our Fans and Friends: As R.E.M., and as lifelong friends and co-conspirators, we have decided to call it a day as a band. We walk away with a great sense of gratitude, of finality, and of astonishment at all we have accomplished. To anyone who ever felt touched by our music, our deepest thanks for listening.
- R.E.M. from their website

I really loved R.E.M. growing up. I had a poster for New Adventures in Hi Fi hanging in my bedroom for years and my sister and I played Out of Time and Monster so often around the house that even my dad knew the words. The older I got, the more I delved into their earlier stuff, slowly collecting albums. I probably played their Eponymous compilation hundreds of times throughout college.

To me, their music from the 80's represents quintessential east coast college rock and remains timeless, and their music from the 90's is some of the most recognizable and significant from that decade. You have to admire them for successfully crossing over from alternative to mainstream. Automatic for the People was a masterpiece. Remember when everywhere you turned, you'd hear "Everybody Hurts?" They probably lost their college/alternative radio credibility around that time, but I never stopped loving them.

As much as I adore R.E.M., I won't miss them being together. Over the years I paid less attention and didn't bother listening to many of their albums released beyond the 90s. I noted a few weeks ago that they'd probably completely lost relevance when some of my younger friends told me they didn't know who Micheal Stipe was. (Remember how big of a celebrity he was at their height of popularity?) It was a surprise to me that they actually released an album earlier this year, apparently to good reviews.

My feelings about R.E.M.'s break-up are mixed. I'm happy for them for being together for so long and deciding to end on a good note. I'm sad because it represents the end of an era. I'm sad that alternative music is dead. I'm sad that I never saw them perform in person. (Unless they played the Tibetan Freedom Concert the year I went, in which case I forgot... festivals are like that.) Mostly I'm sad because their music reminds me of growing up, and them breaking up reminds me how old I am.

I wanted to honor R.E.M. with a long post and thank them for being such a big part of my life and for shaping my musical tastes. I'm embedding some of my favorite songs of theirs, below. It was difficult compiling this list because there are SO MANY great songs in their catalog, and honestly, I got a little emotional watching all of these.

By the way, I'm posting LIVE versions of their songs because they sounded TIGHT AS FUCK live and being forced to watch commercials for the official videos on Youtube makes me ragey inside. However, their official music videos were always amazing, so I provided links to those official versions below in case you're more patient then me.

"So. Central Rain" from 1984's Reckoning - their first TV performance? How cute are they?

official video here

"Radio Free Europe" from 1983's Murmur - Wow, remember when bands performed TWICE on Letterman?

official video here

"Fall On Me" from 1986's Life's Rich Pageant

official video here

"The One I Love" from 1987's Document

official video here

"Drive" from 1992's Automatic for The People

official video here

"Man on the Moon" also from 1992's Automatic for The People

official video here

"Nightswimming" also from 1992's Automatic for The People

official(?) video here

"Strange Currencies" from 1994's Monster

album version here

Great voices

2011-09-22T06:46:00.000-07:00

Check out the vocals on these tracks from Taylor Kirk of Timber Timbre and Katie Stelmanis from Austra, both Canadian artists. Amazing!

Timber Timbre performing 'Demon Host' from their 2009 self-tilted album on Out of This Spark/ Arts & Crafts

Austra performing 'Lose It' from their debut album, Feel It Break on Domino Records

I need a new music podcast to listen to because all my new music recommendations lately come from The Signal. (I love The Signal, but I want to diversify my listening is all.) Perchance any readers have a new recommendation?

We say "thanks for playing" even though we missed the opening band

2011-09-21T10:33:00.000-07:00

Just saw this really cute article/comic/drawing documentary from the illustrator Wendy MacNaughton giving a behind-the-scenes look at Thao and Mirah while on tour. I love Wendy's illustrations and really loved this series. Check it out at The Rumpus.

Wendy MacNaughton at The Rumpus

I have seen both artists perform separately -- Thao with The Get Down Stay Down (great show!) and Mirah, solo, twice (always good!). They came through Santa Barbara within the last year touring together and now I'm kinda bummed that I missed their show! Maybe I couldn't find anyone to go with, or maybe I had something else planned, or wasn't in the right mood to go to a show. Anyway, I'll make do watching videos of them performing together on KEXP, sounding great. Thanks, internet!

Damn, KEXP always does such a great job putting videos of live performances together. Check out Thao and Mirah's album on Kill Rock Stars.

Dealbreakers...from the men's perspective.

2011-09-20T14:25:00.000-07:00

Andy Borowitz posted a really funny column in New Yorker magazine titled Alarm Bells. I love a great satire!

When I’m on a first date, alarm bells always go off if the woman says, “Let’s play Nixon.” This happened a few weeks ago when I was out with a tax attorney from one of the big midtown firms whom I met on OkCupid. I can understand why she wanted to play, because she was totally great at it. She looked scary with her shoulders hunched over, growling about the press and vowing revenge against the people on her enemies list. But as she started screaming about Jane Fonda and Joe Namath, I thought, Did it even occur to her that maybe I wanted to be Nixon and she could be Kissinger? That set off major alarm bells for me, because the last thing I need in my life is someone who’s inconsiderate

Read more http://www.newyorker.com/humor/2011/09/26/110926sh_shouts_borowitz#ixzz1YWuKQcZ1.

I first heard of Andy on The Moth Podcast talking about his butt and how he almost died. That sounds trite, but trust me he did so in a very smart, funny and touching way. He managed to survive and is an active Twitterer and has a new anthology book out: The 50 Funniest American Authors.

The song "is just basically John doing Dylan", Paul McCartney later said.

2011-09-19T10:39:00.000-07:00

The Beatles- You've Got to Hide Your Love Away from the 1965 album Help!

I sing this song to my cat. (And by to my cat I mean to myself, poorly.)

I feel like I should own more Beatles albums. And by more of them I mean all of them.

Audio, Video, Disco

2011-09-17T16:38:00.000-07:00

New video from a French electronic music duo Justice for “Audio, Video, Disco.” I really like the bassy piano.

Not sure how I feel about their use of the Christian cross imagery. Are they a Catholic Daft Punk? Or do they sound more like Air?

Thanks, Doobybrain

I fucking love Prince.

2011-09-15T12:31:00.001-07:00

...did you know this already? This song was stuck in my head today and it took me forever to figure out the song title.

"Erotic City ("make love not war Erotic City come alive")" was released as the B-side to the 1984 single "Let's Go Crazy" and features Sheila E.

Just a fat guy dressed as a fat girl, eating some fries

2011-09-14T14:57:00.000-07:00

From SNL's "Gap Girls" sketch, circa early 1990's. I adored SNL at this time, in middle school, and used to quote it all the time. I still use the "Lay off me, I'm starving" line to this day!

Oh hai.

2011-09-13T13:52:00.000-07:00

I moved into a new apartment and got a cat.

That is all.

Don't get in the way of a man and his morning coffee

2011-09-03T07:32:00.000-07:00

This has been ALL OVER the internet lately but in case you haven't seen it.... A series of 1950's and 60's-era coffee commercials edited them down to just the moments when the guys were the biggest jerks.

Just a song I like today.

2011-08-31T15:51:00.000-07:00

This song is good.

Apparently it's from a movie. I want to see this movie.

Song about deers

2011-08-28T15:51:00.000-07:00

Californian turned Toronto band Snowblink performing the song "Rut and Nuzzle."

Listening to The Signal, drawing alternative GaN crystal planes on my computer, loving the her voice and that plinky guitar sound and the pedal-effects. You can download this mp3 for free, courtesy The Wild Honey Pie.

I'm busy

2011-08-26T09:53:00.000-07:00

I'm helping one of my professors write a journal/book chapter about laser diodes on alternative crystal planes of gallium nitride. It's overwhelming. I'm learning a lot, but I also feel like my brain is reaching some saturation point.

Right now, I'm listening to Sigur Ros and reading about the polarization of light waves. Somehow they seem to go together.

The 70s were so fucked up.

2011-08-17T18:10:00.000-07:00

This song was in my head today. WHY? IT IS SO WEIRD!

The Carpenters - Calling Occupants of Interplanetary Craft

What the fuck is going on here? Were the Carpenters trying to be edgy like Queen and David Bowie, or was every artist going through a sci-fi phase in the late 70s?

And now for some vintage 70s French space disco...

The Droids - The Force

Kinda feel like the Germans did it better.

Kraftwerk - Die Roboter

For some reason I'm reminded of a viral video by Santo Cilauro. Do you remember this? Zlad? An Eastern European superstar from a fictional country called Molvania? It's not vintage at all. It's from 2004.

Zlad - Elektronic Supersonic

Someone called this the worst video ever, but I think it's still pretty amazing.

Science, blinding you with it.

2011-08-11T21:42:00.000-07:00

This probably only makes sense to other graduate students but it's FUCKING HILARIOUS.

Not sure I agree with all of these (do undergrads even know what a postdoc is?) but for the most part they nailed it.

I feel like I've been a PhD student for too long. I'm about to finish my SIXTH year of grad school. Why aren't I done yet? It's STUPID. I need to GRADUATE. The next few months are going to be major crunch-time, which is frustrating but exciting, too. I'm looking forward to clearing the hurdle. Then I'll be a pimpin' Postdoc!

SB Cruiser Ride

2011-08-10T11:21:00.000-07:00

I finally got to participate in the annual Fiesta Santa Barabara Cruiser Ride on Sunday. Hundreds (over a thousand?) bike riders bombing down State Street from the fountains at the Fisherman's Wharf all the way into Goleta and Isla Vista.

I'm usually really good about obeying traffic laws, but it was SO MUCH FUN to just cruise through traffic lights with a huge group of riders. That's the power of numbers! I only noticed a few car drivers get really aggressive, honking and trying to cut off cyclists, but there were also a lot of people who just smiled and let us pass through.

It was an awesome experience. I already can't wait to do it again next year.

Elvis knew a thing or two

2011-08-06T18:40:00.000-07:00

I believe the key to happiness is:

someone to love,

something to do,

and something to look forward to.

--Elvis Presley

I love that quote and it keeps ringing true. Whenever I'm unhappy, it always seems like one of the three areas is lacking. It's about balance.

(more ranting behind the cut)
Someone to love is important, but it also contradicts my whole theory that it's possible and important to be happy as a single person. So for me, someone to love it doesn't necessarily mean showing love for a significant other (as much as that rules). It can also mean showing yourself some love, or showing love for your friends or family. I read a quote recently that said: "That means the best way to increase your happiness is to stop worrying about being happy and instead divert your energy to nurturing the social bonds you have with other people." I also read once that friendships should always be defined by how much you give and not how much you receive. I think someone else said love is a verb, which I think makes sense... Anyway, this all sounds really self-helpy, but I agree that great happiness can come out of putting energy towards maintaining relationships. When you're really low, your friends and family have your back. Even if you're doing okay but you're just a little bummed that your one friend never calls you anymore, it is worth it to take the initiative and do something about it and call her or drop her an email. (Damn, my own advice makes me want to email some bitches right now!)

Something to do is kind of a no-brainer. The key is to keep yourself busy. My grandma always said you need a reason to put on pants and leave the house every day. She's 95, she knows a lot! If I have nothing better to do, the least I can do is get out of the house and take a walk. Another aspect of 'something to do' is having the courage and motivation to just DO something instead of constantly putting it off. I try to remember, action precedes motivation. I also try to remember: the things that make you nervous are things you should be doing. I think a bad breakup and turning 30 helped me get over a lot of fears and take more risks, which helped me a lot in terms of happiness.

Finally, something to look forward to is the one that always gets me. Once in a while I find myself just plugging along at work, worrying about deadlines and my to-do list, and eventually I realize I'm unhappy and have nothing fun to look forward to. Studies have shown that often it's the anticipation of something fun, like a vacation, that brings us the most happiness. So when I'm down or stressed, I found it always helps to make plans with friends (like #1 above), or put something in motion I already had tentative plans for (see #2)... like make dinner reservations with my man for tonight, or email my girlfriends to grab a drink later this week, or book plane tickets for an upcoming trip. I noticed that I'm particularly happy when I have both small things (later this week) and big things (sometime in the next few months) to look forward to.

Lots of ranty posts lately... sorry! :)

Kathryn Calder "Arrow"

2011-08-03T20:29:00.000-07:00

This song is in my head this week.

Great song from Calder's first solo album, Are You My Mother? You may know her as a member of a little Canadian band called The New Pornographers.

RuPaul's Drag Race

2011-07-31T21:59:00.000-07:00

I'm obsessed with this show! It's like a super campy version of America's Next Top Model and Project Runway! I love it! RuPaul is the best!

I feel like this clip doesn't do the show justice. It's hilarious. The third season just started on Logo, but in the meantime I'll finish watching season 2 on Instant Netflix.

Oh, AND there's already a spinoff show called DragU, which gives sad female housewives tranny makeovers. Fried gold! I want someone to nominate me to be on that show!

img via http://fuckyeahqueenraven.tumblr.com/ (Thanks Dana!)

Crystalised

2011-07-28T10:04:00.000-07:00

This song is not new at all but I'm loving it this week, from buzzband The xx's 2009 debut album, xx.

AHHH, IT'S SO GOOD. WHEN IS THEIR NEXT ALBUM??

Splendid truths

2011-07-27T22:35:00.000-07:00

The older I get the more I realize complaining never gets me anywhere. It's not useful at all! Eventually the universe finds a way to remind me to either lighten the fuck up or harden the fuck up, usually both.

The secret of being a bore... is to tell everything. -Voltaire

I think Twitter taught me this lesson a long time ago. There were too many people in my feed who CONSTANTLY complain. Here and there is okay, but when it's incessant, it gets annoying. So I vowed to stop complaining on Twitter myself UNLESS I could come up with a funny way to express it. If you use humor, I reason, then it's totally okay.

I'm trying to do the same thing in real life. It's not easy.

It's like we're programmed to complain. Is it a female thing? Why do we do it? Unless you actually need someone to intervene and help in some way, what good is complaining just to fish for sympathy over petty day-to-day annoyances? You kinda just sound like an asshole. In the grand scheme of things, whatever you're annoyed about is probably not that big of deal. People got their own shit to deal with, they don't want to hear about your shit on top of that. Even Gretchin Rubin of The Happiness Project says venting might make you feel worse.

I tell myself it's okay under certain circumstances to vent frustrations, but ONLY once in a while, and ONLY to a select audience. For me this select audience includes mom, my sister, a few of my best girl friends. THAT'S IT. Therapists DEFINITELY go in this category. My Twitter followers, do NOT. My boyfriend even, does NOT. Probably.

Another part of this is that some people just do not respond well to complaining for the sake of complaining, probably in general, but especially the occasionally epic scale of venting bitch sessions I can duke out with some of my gal pals. Sometimes all you really want to hear is "oh damn, that sucks." But some people, maybe men mostly, like dads and boyfriends, HATE to hear you complain. They get frustrated that you're upset, interrupt you to clarify what the problem is, offer suggestions on how you can fix things, etc, and then it can come across as really condescending on your end even though they're just trying to help, and it can make you MORE upset, and possibly even turn into an argument about something totally different. Ugh. Sound familiar? I know Barbara De Angelis would agree... (I just read about it in her book, Secrets about Men Every Woman Should Know. Don't judge!)

So the life lesson I'm trying to learn is: Shut your pie-hole and deal with your shit as an adult, UNLESS you come up with a funny story about it, or UNLESS you're on the phone with your mom, or UNLESS you're hanging out alone with your best girl friends and you know they're cool.

Does being an adult ever come easy? I read a sign at a gift shop in northern Minnesota that seems to sums everything up for leading a good life:

Work Hard and Be Nice.

Those seem like some of the best words to live by, so midwestern, so simple and true. (I found out later that it's the motto of KIPP charter schools.)

Other life rants I like:
- Splendid Truths on Happiness Project
- The Blind Leading The Blind series on IMBoyCrazy

I love my bike

2011-07-27T10:54:00.000-07:00

I get so many compliments on it. I think my favorite was a hipster girl in the Ralphs parking lot who told me, "that's my dream bike."

I've been effectively car-less for three months now. I wish I had more to say about it, but the truth of the matter was my ten year old car blew a head gasket and it was too expensive to fix, and I didn't feel I could afford a new car. Instead I'm biking, riding the bus, (or a combination of both), and if I'm really desperate, bumming rides from friends. It's works. And I do get to feel smug about never having to sit in traffic again.

Still, not having a car is not easy. I think the hardest part is feeling less independent. With a car, you don't have to think how you're getting anywhere, you just go. With a bike, you really have to strategize. (Is there an easy bike route? Do I need to bring a change of clothes? How long will it take me to get there?) Simple things like grocery shopping becomes challenging. Most of these things get easier with time and I just need to harden the fuck up (HTFU).

For the most part I think I'm really lucky. The weather here in SB is always great and my bike is rad, and riding it all the time is actually pretty awesome. Besides, a little fresh air and exercise never hurt anyone! And luckily no one cares if I'm an hour late to work, ha. In the past few months I've upgraded to rear-rack panniers (instead of riding with an old backpack), clip-in pedals and shoes, larger lights, and most recently a U-lock. The right equipment makes a big difference.

By the way, I can't believe it took me this long to get the U-lock. Check out this video of a bike thief in San Fran who fortunately got thwarted by a good samaritan. (Fast forward to 0:22 mark.) It took him one second to cut the cable! Damn!

One thing that sucks about using U-locks is that some bike racks won't let you lock through your frame and your front wheel, so you still need a cable lock anyway. But I will gladly take the extra few seconds to lock my bike properly, even if it takes two locks. Sidenote: I want to start a blog just showing different pictures of bike racks and rating them, but in the meantime I started a Flickr set.

A new sex move I've never heard of?

2011-07-21T15:51:00.000-07:00

Smang - it's a smash and bang fusion. "Gotta focus mama, you don't wanna get a coosh contusion."

Hilarious!

Also loving Flynt Fossy's DID I MENTION I LIKE TO DANCE (found via Doobybrain)

YESSSSS!

2011-07-18T17:26:00.000-07:00

From Engadget: Robot band covers Marilyn Manson, renders sullen teenagers obsolete (video)

I love the scanner at the 1 minute mark.

Light amplification

2011-07-18T14:40:00.000-07:00

Fun fact: The lasers used in Blu-Ray players are actually violet. Like blacklights, a violet laser pointer can cause different surfaces to fluoresce (or glow).

img ganked from Wikipedia

David Bowie

2011-07-17T17:56:00.000-07:00

I love this quote from Stewart Lee's hilarious and weird Guardian article, If Damon Albarn is serious about the occult, shouldn't we call him Damien?

...if viewed as an "artist", David Bowie makes no sense at all. He seems to be little more than a perpetually spooked moth in slip-ons, sputtering, in a series of self-shaming leaps towards imagined relevance, from one swiftly guttering fad to another – grunge metal, drum and bass and having a skellington face. But imagine Bowie instead as a cunning lichen, an adaptive tuber or a semi-sentient mould, endlessly reshaping himself in search of the moisture of acclaim, and it is easy to understand him.

Read the rest

If you ask me, David Bowie can do no harm! Here's a whole bunch of David Bowie videos, just because!

Guardian article found via Jad Abumrad

Rolling shutter

2011-07-17T17:47:00.000-07:00

All Songs recently linked to this video taken with an iPhone that captures vibrations in a guitar string. The video author warns: "this effect is due to the rolling shutter, which is non-representative of how strings actually vibrate." Still really cool!

If you want to see more rolling shutter effects, check out these disturbing propeller videos: [1], [2], [3]

Two songs in my head lately

2011-07-06T09:19:00.000-07:00

Vampire Weekend "Run"
I love this song so much. I think it's the constant build up and the "oooh ooh oooh ooh" at the bridge. This live version from KCRW sounds great!

Lily Allen "Fuck You"
Because I always gotta be hating everything.

How NPR voices look in my head

2011-07-06T08:55:00.000-07:00

by Gaelan Kelly

... via WNYC's Radiolab

Picture Me

2011-07-02T16:42:00.000-07:00

I simultaneously love and hate the fashion world. I think it's pretentious and extravagant and gives a wrong message to the world of what women should look like and has absolutely no relevance in my life. Still, like a moth towards a flame I'm positively drawn towards fashion-related reality shows, movies, and street fashion blogs. Is it because I worshiped fashion magazines as a teen?

I really dug this documentary: Picture Me from 2009. It follows the surprisingly down-to-earth Sara Ziff for a few years during her rise in --and ultimate rejection of-- the modeling world. It provides a really intimate glimpse into a glamorous, and not so glamorous, money-driven industry. Super interesting!

I watched it while designing outfits on Polyvore, which I continue to be obsessed with. You can watch Picture Me on Netflix instant.

From CBC Radio 2

2011-06-28T17:37:00.000-07:00

There are a few requirements for music to be good background music. It has to be easy to listen to, at the right volume, low-key enough that you can kind of ignore it and focus on what you're doing, but still entertaining enough to keep you alert and motivated.

When I'm cranking away at my desk at work, I like putting on Laurie Brown's CBC radio show and podcast: The Signal. She focuses on mellow contemporary/indie music by Canadian artists. I just love her soothing voice and song picks. It's definitely low key and listenable. Consider it officially recommended!

(Pretty sure I got this recommendation from Colin Marshall. Thanks, Colin!)

Stank

2011-06-20T14:44:00.000-07:00

This Married to the Sea comic cracked me up today

FYF Fest 2011

2011-06-17T13:52:00.000-07:00

Tickets go on sale today for the FYF Fest, happening in LA in early September. I've attended FYF the past two years and it's always been a good time.

The lineup this year doesn't seem quite as exciting to me as last year, but includes some big acts like Broken Social Scene and Guided by Voices, The Cults, Girls, and No Age (see left). Still a good deal for only $35. And still plenty of time for other bands to join the lineup (last year Local Natives joined late, I was so happy.)

Here's a video playlist of some other bands performing:

They're moving the location from LA State Historic Park (near Chinatown) to downtown LA, which the organizers said was for "a more comfortable experience." I really hope it's still as laid back and open as it was in the park. I loved being able to take a break in the beer garden, sit in the grass in the shade with a cold beer, and still hear music. Sounds like the new venue will have shade and food trucks, so I'm excited to check it out. Four stages!

Also the people-watching will be top-notch. LA hipsters are the best and by best I mean worst!

Follow FYF on Twitter for updates

FUCK YOU, YOU DIDN'T SAY BANANA

2011-06-15T10:47:00.000-07:00

All Songs Considered just posted their Best of 2011, So Far music poll, as well as their staff's Top 25 picks of the first half of the year. I haven't heard ANY of the albums up for the vote. I feel so behind! I miss having my radio show as an excuse to search for new music every week, it was always such a thrill to find something I'd never heard and instantly fall in love.

I realize that not many people have the same open-mindedness towards of music as I do. I'm reminded of this reading through some of comments left on All Songs Top 25 list. It's amazing how ANGRY people get if their favorite artist isn't included. Some of the comments left :

you guys are crazy to not include KURT VILE's new record, SMOKE RING FOR MY HALO. i created an NPR account just to say this.
Times New Viking is not on this list, therefore it is wrong!
No R.E.M., Raphael Saadiq, Paul Simon, Decemberists, Beastie Boys, Fleet Foxes, Lupe Fiasco... A good 40% of this list tests the musical relevancy of the old addage "If a tree falls in the woods and no one is there to hear it, does it still make a sound?" Hipsterism is a pernicious affect that kills music.

First of all, a list called "25 favorite albums" is completely subjective. How can you argue with subjectivity? If I told you my favorite fruit is an apple, you can't argue with that. I'm not saying it's the best fruit in the world, I'm saying it's my favorite. It's my opinion.

Secondly, why would anyone want to read a top 25 list if all it included were really popular bands that everybody has already heard of? If I told you my favorite fruit was something you never heard of, like a cherimoya, wouldn't you at least be curious to see what it looked like, and if you were brave, tasted it for yourself? The point of these lists are to introduce people to music they probably haven't been exposed to yet, and give deserving, unheard artists some recognition.

Furthermore, it really bothers me when people assume any music they haven't heard before is pretentious, and then start throwing the term "hipster" around like a dirty word. Do they really think all good music is popular (or only popular music is good)? Why are they so afraid to keep an open mind and try something new? Everything is new in the beginning. Even R.E.M. was underground at some point. Even Beethoven.

Black Lips

2011-06-10T15:37:00.000-07:00

Excited to see these guys play tonight at Velvet Jones! I've seen them a few times before, most recently at SxSW, and they are always a good time. The songs I've heard from their new album, Arabia Mountain out now on Vice Records, sound great.

"Modern Art"

"Go Out and Get It"

I still love their rowdy hit anthem, Bad Kids the best.

Girl boners

2011-06-09T15:34:00.000-07:00

From Stuff No One Told Me

Learning

2011-06-02T13:37:00.000-07:00

"The best thing for being sad," replied Merlin, beginning to puff and blow, "is to learn something. That's the only thing that never fails. You may grow old and trembling in your anatomies, you may lie awake at night listening to the disorder of your veins, you may miss your only love, you may see the world about you devastated by evil lunatics, or know your honour trampled in the sewers of baser minds. There is only one thing for it then — to learn. Learn why the world wags and what wags it. That is the only thing which the mind can never exhaust, never alienate, never be tortured by, never fear or distrust, and never dream of regretting."
--T. H. White, The Sword in the Stone

via Gretchen Rubin's The Happiness Project

“What is a douche cougar?”

2011-06-01T11:24:00.000-07:00

Haha. Nick Burd's response to his Italian publisher’s question...

Hi Andrea, Sorry for the late reply! I’d be happy to explain what a douche cougar is. [read the rest]

via Twitter

Because he loves you

2011-05-31T22:25:00.001-07:00

This is a great video promoting bike helmets.

via Reddit

Dead Air Nightmares

2011-05-30T12:37:00.000-07:00

I recently joined a Facebook group for KCPR, the radio station I was involved with for three years at Cal Poly in San Luis Obispo. It has only been a few months since I stopped DJing at KCSB, but it's been fun to scroll through old pictures of my former station and read the comments when someone starts reminiscing, like "What song would you play to give yourself enough time to run to the bathroom?"

Someone recently asked:

Turns out a LOT of former KCPR DJs have the same anxiety dream, either screwing up the sound board, flubbing the station ID, not finding music to play, or otherwise broadcasting dead air. It must be one of those "you know you're a real DJ if..." situations. They're rare, but I definitely have them!

from Len F. posted to KCPR - Cal Poly Radio on Facebook

UUVVWWZ

2011-05-27T11:46:00.000-07:00

I'm digging this song today, "Jap Dad" from the band UUVVWWZ (pronounced "double-you-double-vee-double-double-you-zee").

It's mathy and quirky and kinda reminds me of Deerhoof, who I adore. I think the singer is spelling "make me love you."

UUVVWWZ is a four-member band from Lincoln, Nebraska. They have one album out on Saddle Creek records. You can get this song, as well as some tracks from some other lablemates for FREE on Amazon, part of the Saddle Creek records 2010 sampler compilation.

This is great!

2011-05-25T22:49:00.001-07:00

Walking up to random people in NYC asking a simple question:
What song are you listening to?

Bands you break up with

2011-05-23T14:22:00.000-07:00

OK, have I mentioned that I love NPR's All Songs Considered and I think my dream job is be a host on their show? Anyway, I'm listening to their May 3rd show: Splitsville: Breaking Up With Your Favorite Bands, which is all about bands they USED to love. I got my headphones on at work and I'm cracking up at my desk because they're mentioning several bands I used to like too, like Weezer, and even really embarrassing ones like Sting (sans The Police, if you can believe it).

I'll also admit to liking these a lot at one point in my life... Ah, high school.

R.E.M. (still love their old stuff)

Tori Amos (can barely listen to her anymore)

Then there was my regrettable industrial phase, circa 2002...

Skinny Puppy (oh boy..)

More fun discussion at All Songs blog too.

Parks and Rec

2011-05-19T14:08:00.000-07:00

Took me a while to warm up to the show, but lately I'm enjoying 'Parks and Recreation.' It's pretty amusing to watch the main character's attempt at having a romantic life, including joining an online dating site and having a crush on one of her co-workers.

Here's a clip where Leslie (Amy Poehler) and Ann (Rashida Jones) try to plan for a work-related road trip.

Ok, I'll admit it. I have a girl crush on Rashida Jones.

Jonathan Richman and the Modern Lovers

2011-05-16T14:37:00.001-07:00

My friend reminded me of this song today. Classic roadtrip music.

Bikes bikes bikes

2011-05-05T13:50:00.000-07:00

It's National Bike Month and in Santa Barbara that means it's CycleMAYnia: a whole month of local bike-related events. On Sunday, the kick-off event was a cyclo-cross race held at Santa Barbara High School.

Here's a video that makes cyclo-cross look really cool:

Geekhouse Cyclocross from Paper Fortress on Vimeo.

From Wikipedia: Cyclo-cross (sometimes cyclocross, CX, CCX, cyclo-X or 'cross') is a form of bicycle racing. Races typically take place in the autumn and winter, and consists of many laps of a short (1.5–2 mile) course featuring pavement, wooded trails, grass, steep hills and obstacles requiring the rider to quickly dismount, carry the bike whilst navigating the obstruction and remount.

I got talked into competing in the local cross race just for fun. The event was really low-key and small, and women's heat had only two other competitors. I decided to just go slow and just enjoy myself. I got lapped twenty minutes in, but that's okay, at least I finished!

Here's a few pictures I ganked from Hector Gonzalez's Facebook album:

Starting line, we ended up in 1st, 2nd and 3rd place, left to right. That's me in the socks. I figured if I was going to lose horribly, I might as well try to get a few style points.

Climbing over obstacles

Still smiling, even though I'd just fallen into a tree in front of all the spectators.

Rage face

2011-04-27T14:21:00.000-07:00

From the Reddit rage comic series...

Thanks, N.

How To Dress Well

2011-04-27T14:15:00.000-07:00

What if there's no such thing as "good" and "bad" music, and it's all about whether you like it or not?

Obviously there is such thing as BAD music. But I'm talking about the gray, in-between areas. Guilty pleasure territory. Lots of people love pop music, for example. I don't like a lot of it, blame years of being a college radio DJ, but just because I find it simple and formulaic doesn't necessarily mean it's bad music. If that's all you listened to, maybe I'd think you have a bad taste in music, but maybe you don't know any better. Who cares?

There's this song, "Ready for the World" by a band called How To Dress Well. I really like this song. I guess I'd describe it as kinda trancy electronic, which isn't a genre I spend a lot of time listening to. Still, I get nervous about liking this. Is it good? Does it sound too 1990s? Is it simple and formulaic and I just don't know any better? Would my electro friends disapprove?

Does it even matter? I still like the song.

Luckily Pitchfork gave this album, Love Remains, a score of 8.7/10. So, finally (unfortunately?), I feel justified.

Outfits based on album covers

2011-04-26T22:08:00.000-07:00

I started playing around with Polyvore over a year ago (thanks Gala) during a wardrobe crisis. It's a super entertaining way to mix and match clothes and accessories and put make-believe outfits together. That makes me sound like such a girl. But seriously, it's like, hours of your life down the drain entertaining. And then I got the idea to build outfits around album covers and... basically lost track of several days. So addicting!

Isn't it amazing how much music can influence personal style? Think about the music you listened to in high school and the clothes you wore back then. Similar, right? I also realized that I use a lot of the same adjectives to describe a band, or even a band's sound, as I do to describe human beings.

Here's a few looks I put together based on some of my favorite albums. I like to think each album and corresponding look represents a different girl. Or maybe they're all just different versions of myself.

Animal Collective - Feels

Feminine, hippie, thoughtful, brooding, sweet.

Animal Collective by katebot featuring wool hats

Selected track: Banshee Beat

The perfect soundtrack for laying down in sunny patch of grass in the park
and doodling in your Moleskine.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

No Age - Nouns

Edgy, young, trendy, tomboy, LA, aggressive, energetic, badass

No Age by katebot featuring chain jewelry

Selected Track: Ripped Knees
Good to listen to when you're pre-partying with shots of tequila and
funny skateboard videos before you head out to some relevant dive bar.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Grizzly Bear - Veckatimest

Thoughtful, intelligent, New England, classic yet modern, mature,
possibly a tad pretentious?

Veckatimest by katebot featuring leather shoulder bags

Selected Track: Cheerleader
This song is for riding the bus to work, and being obsessed with
crossword puzzles.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Check out the entire collection of outfits on album art on my Polyvore page:

RIP OkStoopid

2011-04-25T11:18:00.000-07:00

The entire OkStoopid archive is now available on Auntie Cake! You may browse the old posts labeled with the tag okstoopid.

I will no longer be updating OkStoopid. Just seemed easier to have everything in one place.

"Will you get me a Slurpee if I give you a blow job?"

2011-04-25T10:20:00.000-07:00

If you're on Twitter, you follow Kelly Oxford, right?

kellyoxford
Women throw up when they're pregnant because nothing is grosser than a human growing inside of you.

kellyoxford
Seriously guys, there's no way Madonna still gets her period.

I'm pretty sure she's so good at twitter that she's managing to make a career out of it. (Yes! It can happen!) She's working with CBS on a tv pilot about her life as a stay-at-home mom. She was even recently interviewed on Carson Daly. (Is that even noteworthy? I was just surprised that he was still around.)

Kelly also wrote an article for GQ magazine, out this month. It's called "Quid Pro Fellatio" aka Sex Trade, all about using sex as a bartering tool to spice up your love life. I love this!

...When I see a father at the water park with three young children and no mother in sight, I no longer think, "What a cool dad" or "How sad—widowed so young." Instead I think, "That guy's getting fucked for hours tonight."

Read More

RIP my radio show

2011-04-21T20:51:00.000-07:00

I decided to take a break from hosting my weekly radio show, Between the Bars. I loved being a DJ and having an excuse to look for new music every week. Unfortunately, putting together my show and staying on campus late every Wednesday started to feel like a chore. I need to focus on finishing my thesis, ok? Also, my car broke so it made getting home on Wednesdays difficult.

So far, I don't really miss it. This could easily change.

The other day I was listening to my iPod and this Enon song came on. And I thought, "I LOVE THIS SONG." And then I thought, "Aww, I can't believe I didn't play this on my last radio show!" And I stared feeling sad.

Disappointing Gay Best Friend

2011-04-18T22:37:00.000-07:00

Disappointing Gay Best Friend - GOIN' OUT from mikalabierma on Vimeo.

via Gala Darling

From the Onion

2011-04-18T22:13:00.000-07:00

Really funny fake news segment.

How To Get A Guy To Notice You While You're Having Sex With Him

"We've all been there... You have a crush on a guy, he's thrusting his erection inside of you, but you're laying there wondering, 'Does he even know I exist?'"

"Depending on what the girl looks like, I'll just fight her."

2011-04-11T12:21:00.000-07:00

This video is going viral because this chick is really drunk and it's really funny. But I feel like single gals can learn a lot from her, in that she probably sets herself up to meet men really easily.

First step: ALCOHOL.
Step two: Be into sports (you don't even have to be really into the game as long as you're into, like, beer, wings and hats).
Step three: Not giving a shit. Clearly.

Opening Day: The Cubs biggest fan from WBEZ on Vimeo.

I'm the mayor of your dick

2011-04-08T14:27:00.000-07:00

I think the underlying message of "Where That Bitch At" by Boom Chicago is this:
Social networking a makes life difficult.

Nice guys finish last

2011-03-29T10:30:00.000-07:00

From Toothpaste for Dinner

Introducing Garfunkel & Oates

2011-03-25T16:09:00.000-07:00

How cute are these chicks? This song is either called "Booty Call" or "Self Esteem" depending which version you find online.

More picks from SXSW

2011-03-24T15:30:00.000-07:00

Wild Flag
This female group, half of whom are former members of Sleater-Kinney (you might recognize Carrie Brownstein from "Portlandia") played the NPR day showcase at The Parish. They killed it! Only souvenir I got myself at SXSW was a Wild Flag tee-shirt.

Joy Formidable
None of us had heard of them when we saw them play just after Wild Flag at the NPR showcase. I was impressed. While they were playing, our friends kept turning around and asking "What was their name again?" Not exactly a catchy band name but they have a great sound. I would definitely play them on my radio show.

The Naked and Famous
They played a free daytime showcase at Emo's, on a really warm day. I was ready to leave the venue to get some fresh air and food but my cousin talked me into staying to see this band from New Zealand. I'm glad I did! They were fun and upbeat. They sounded a lot like MGMT at times, but that's okay. Sometimes pop music doesn't have to be reinventing anything as long as it sounds good and makes you want to move a little.

Sondre Lerche
I wrote about him before. He's great. I described him to my cousin as a "a straight, Norwegian version of Rufus Wainwright." Great singer and guitar player, and totally adorable. He played the Central Presbyterian church with a full band and played all new songs. Everything sounded GREAT. I'm looking forward to his new album coming out!

Top pick of SXSW: Davila 666

2011-03-21T15:22:00.000-07:00

I finally got to attend SXSW in Austin for the first time this year. It was an exhausting whirlwind but still a total blast! I definitely want to go again. I'll post more about my experience, but I wanted to start with the band I enjoyed seeing the most: Dávila 666. They're a garage punk group from Puerto Rico who I first heard of only a few weeks ago on one of my music blogs (Stereogum? KEXP?). I could tell from listening to only one song that they would be fun to see live, and boy was I right! They played the Vice showcase at Club Deville on Thursday night and totally blew everyone away. So much fun!

"La Pingorocha Y La Diva Rockera"

Cover of Blondie's "Hanging on the Telephone" (originally The Nerves)
[en espanol, song starts at 0:38]

- Download their song Esa Nena Nunca Regreso here.
- Download their song Obisidon here.
- Read Pitchfork review of their album Tan Bajo.

Gift from the Sea

2011-02-26T11:22:00.000-08:00

I will always believe that it's better to be alone than to be in a shitty relationship. Another straight truth. But even good relationships aren't easy. They have ups and downs. They take work and often patience and humility.

I read this quote on my friends LJ page today, exactly when I really needed to hear it. (Yes! I still log into my LJ account from time to time!)

When you love someone, you do not love them all the time, in exactly the same way, from moment to moment. It is an impossibility. It is even a lie to pretend to. And yet this is exactly what most of us demand. We have so little faith in the ebb and flow of life, of love, of relationships. We leap at the flow of the tide and resist in terror its ebb. We are afraid it will never return. We insist on permanency, on duration, on continuity; when the only continuity possible, in life as in love, is in growth, in fluidity - in freedom, in the sense that the dancers are free, barely touching as they pass, but partners in the same pattern.

The only real security is not in owning or possessing, not in demanding or expecting, not in hoping, even. Security in a relationship lies neither in looking back to what was in nostalgia, nor forward to what it might be in dread or anticipation, but living in the present relationship and accepting it as it is now. Relationships must be like islands, one must accept them for what they are here and now, within their limits - islands, surrounded and interrupted by the sea, and continually visited and abandoned by the tides.

— Anne Morrow Lindbergh (Gift from the Sea)

Single to twelve speeds.

2011-02-24T15:50:00.000-08:00

When I was single, I went through a serious personal-development phase. I went to therapy, read a lot of self-help books, and probably had the most utterly boring conversations. One of the blogs I read then, and still do, is Gretchen Rubin's The Happiness Project, now a best-selling book. Every week she interviews a different writer about their own pursuit of personal happiness. This week she talked to Margaret Roach, a gardening blogger. I particularly enjoyed this question/answer:

Have you ever been surprised that something you expected would make you very happy, didn’t – or vice versa?
I must confess that I really did think the secret to life was in finding the right partner, and spent a lot of time looking for the Jerry Maguire moment of “you complete me.” Today if someone asked my advice on romance, I’d say not to go looking, but to do what makes you happiest and intersect with love as a natural outgrowth of that. Remain open, but don’t undertake a man (or woman) hunt at the expense of the other things on your wishlist.
(Read the rest on the interview)

Her answer reminded me of one of the hardest lessons of life, especially when you're single, which is this: A relationship is never going to make you happy if you can't be happy being single.

That is straight truth!

As boring and lonely as being single can be, if you're utterly miserable, there is other shit going on that you need to deal with first. You gotta figure out how to be happy on your own. If your life feels like it's missing something, you gotta fill that metaphorical hole for yourself before someone else can come around and... well, literally fill your hole. (Did you like that? That was a sex joke.)

So if you're lonely, spend time your friends. If you're bored, get into your hobbies, or start some new ones. If you're still blaming shit on your ex, stop it, take some responsibility for the relationship ending, learn something from it, and then get off your ass and devote yourself to those hobbies and friends. Those hobbies and friends are totally the answer.

The lesson you end up learning is by surrounding yourself with things and people you love, you'll be too distracted to feel sorry for yourself. If you take it a little further, push yourself a little harder, go outside your comfort zone, take more chances, you'll be stronger than ever and probably have more interesting things to talk about. So not only does it help the time pass more quickly, it also makes you more attractive, which is a total win/win. If you're lucky, eventually you'll find someone new along the way.

When I was still single, after I grew bored of all the self-help books, I started hanging out with a friend who rode bikes a lot. Then I got really into bikes. And then I met a guy who was really into bikes too. And then one day me and the guy were really into each other. It took months but in retrospect it seems so easy. Step one is simple: get a bike.

http://bicycle-diaries.blogspot.com

Pros and office hoes

2011-02-23T23:36:00.000-08:00

From the Hairpin

Pros and Cons of Dating: Someone You Work With

Pro: Your entire life becomes wrapped up in a tidy package between work, the bar, and his apartment. If you’re lucky, it’s all along the same bus line and there’s a grocery store on the way so you can get some errands done.

Con: Anytime you’re like, “great presentation, Kevin!” everybody rolls their eyes because they know you’re sleeping with him.

Read the rest

I just needed somebody I could chillax with.

2011-02-14T16:29:00.000-08:00

Single on Valentine's Day?

2011-02-09T13:15:00.000-08:00

Erin Gibson from InfoMania is here to help with this video.

You must protect your soul

2011-02-08T10:36:00.000-08:00

Bahaha! OMG this is good. From the Frenemy blog:

A Recipe To Try: A Good First Date

I like this because it includes specific instructions, starting with finding the right person:
Find somebody good on paper. Intelligent but really ‘hold your doors open’ nice. Kind of sarcastic but not that good at it as you are. Has a nice pair of glasses and plays Sudoku.

To dating prep:
Shower all the parts of your body you have, spraying the body spray on the neck and the breast things. Use lotion and shave your toes.

To arrival:
Go to bar. Arrive late. Awkward hug. Giggle. Order beer.

To goodnight:
Don’t go home with them. Remember that you are a lady, a Winona Ryder in Little Women, and mostly remember that no relationships start on one night stands and you will snag this person! You will do all the right things with this person!

Read the whole thing here, trust me it's funny.

Thanks Annie!

Aww shiiit.

2011-02-04T13:53:00.000-08:00

My friend over at Dolphin & Condor found these amazing Valentines Day bears! Get one for yourself or your valentine at Love is Lame.

Big news.

2011-02-03T09:21:00.000-08:00

Wow, they just announced that Match.Com bought OkCupid for $50 million!

Does it mean we have to pay for OkCupid now?

Remember when OkCupid had that OkTrends blog article called Why You Should Never Pay For Online Dating? It starts off by saying "sites like Match.com and eHarmony (are) fundamentally broken, and broken in ways that most people don't realize." (The article doesn't exist on the OkCupid blog anymore, but you can read the cached version, courtesy Google search.)

I guess if your competitor offers you $50 mil you gotta take it and make the most of it. I just hope they keep Match and OkCupid separate. OkCupid is so nerdy and hip as it is, the only thing I'd want to be different is some higher quality men on there... (if I was still looking, which I'm not.)

If you had to pay for OkCupid but were promised better features and a larger and more active online community, how much would you be willing to throw down? $5 a month? $10? $20 seems too high... And I always hated that for Match.com you have to pay $35/month for 1 month or $20/month for 3.

The Simpsons always putting your life into perspective

2011-02-02T10:10:00.000-08:00

Great compilation of Simpsons quotes on PhDs and Grad School:

Don't forget 30 Rock's contribution...

When you need to say I'm sorry, or thanks, or happy birthday

2011-02-02T10:04:00.000-08:00

From someecards. Thanks for tip, Annie!

Ninth grade favorites

2011-02-01T14:05:00.000-08:00

One of my buddies asked on F-book, "What was your favorite song in ninth grade?" I'm sure there were many, many more favorite songs, but this is the first I came up with:

It seems like so long ago I was a high school freshman, it was 1993-4. I remember making a taped copy of my older brothers Breeders CD and listening to this song over and over on my Walkman. Old school!

Why does something so simple sometimes seem so difficult?

2011-01-30T13:31:00.000-08:00

Found these images over at my friend Priscilla's amazing blog, These Are Hard Times For Dreamers.

Her blog is really simple, she posts beautiful and interesting b&w photos.

That's it. Just photos, always b&w, no captions or anything. So elegant and great!

Win some, Lose some?

2011-01-29T11:04:00.000-08:00

Ugh, just read this article from Thought Catalog* called The Difficulties of Being Single vs. The Difficulties of Being in a Monogamous Long Term Relationship that makes both being single and being in a relationship sound really bad. WTF? It's not even a 'grass is always greener' situation if both options are undesirable.

The author explains,"being single can be lonely and full of excruciating moments," particularly internet dating. Yet, "when you commit to a person in a relationship, you commit to their problems," and these problems can turn them into a "difficult, staunch, adversary" (his words).

So, according to him, your choice is to be depressed and alone or stuck in an "less exciting" (his words) long-term monogamous relationship with someone who's issues/problems are just tolerable enough to stick around.

Get the feeling this guy just got dumped?

* via Gala Darling.

Smart girls

2011-01-19T19:02:00.000-08:00

I Want You To Want Me

2011-01-18T03:00:00.000-08:00

Interactive art at MoMA that uses information from online dating profiles to explore the search of love and self. This is really beautiful.

via Brain Picker