Monday, November 8, 2010

Gala Darling says he's just not that into you.

I've been following Gala Darling's fashion/lifestyle blog for a few years now. It's overly girly, overly positive, at times narcissistic (but what blog isn't?) yet fun to read and beautifully constructed. Sometimes I kind of hate on her for getting away with writing about designer clothes and cupcakes for a living, but hey! The girl's making it work! Gotta admire that!

Once in a while Gala will whip out an advice column based on some reader-submitted social dilemma, usually from a 17 year old girl, and I'm always impressed with her good advice. Just recently, a young girl asks, "Does friends with benefits ruin everything?" It's a 'I'm in love with my best guy friend but he's only willing to have sex with me.' Gala basically tells her like it is. She even quotes the book "He's Just Not That Into You," which again some people hate, but I love.  The column is long but worth a read.

I realized recently that I don't do casual relationships.  I'm just not into being around guys who don't really want to spend time with me. Of course, it took months of frustration to finally realize this.  It wasn't ME, it was HIM. Sometimes it helps to hear someone else explain it.
You want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t want to be in one. There is no saving this situation. You are in different places. You cannot spin it or change it. Please don’t think, Oh, but if only I was more _____, or Oh, if only I did _______, because this is a sure route to disappointment & confusion. You need to let him go. He’s not into it, & that’s okay. It HURTS like mad, but it won’t kill you. Life goes on.
I also enjoyed her advice on how to say goodbye gracefully:
Help organise his going-away party. Blow up balloons, rent a bubble machine, drink scotch from the other side of the room & watch him say goodbye to his friends. Wear lots of eyeliner & send him off with a kiss on the cheek. It will be marvellous & poetic, you can write about it later.
Which is another thing I've learned over the years.  When love goes unrequited, all you can do is be the best version of yourself and pretend you've moved on.  Eventually, you will.

More advice columns

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