Saturday, February 26, 2011

Gift from the Sea

I will always believe that it's better to be alone than to be in a shitty relationship.  Another straight truth.  But even good relationships aren't easy.  They have ups and downs.  They take work and often patience and humility.

I read this quote on my friends LJ page today, exactly when I really needed to hear it.  (Yes! I still log into my LJ account from time to time!)
When you love someone, you do not love them all the time, in exactly the same way, from moment to moment. It is an impossibility. It is even a lie to pretend to. And yet this is exactly what most of us demand. We have so little faith in the ebb and flow of life, of love, of relationships. We leap at the flow of the tide and resist in terror its ebb. We are afraid it will never return. We insist on permanency, on duration, on continuity; when the only continuity possible, in life as in love, is in growth, in fluidity - in freedom, in the sense that the dancers are free, barely touching as they pass, but partners in the same pattern.

The only real security is not in owning or possessing, not in demanding or expecting, not in hoping, even. Security in a relationship lies neither in looking back to what was in nostalgia, nor forward to what it might be in dread or anticipation, but living in the present relationship and accepting it as it is now. Relationships must be like islands, one must accept them for what they are here and now, within their limits - islands, surrounded and interrupted by the sea, and continually visited and abandoned by the tides.

Anne Morrow Lindbergh (Gift from the Sea)

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Single to twelve speeds.

When I was single, I went through a serious personal-development phase.  I went to therapy, read a lot of self-help books, and probably had the most utterly boring conversations.  One of the blogs I read then, and still do, is Gretchen Rubin's The Happiness Project, now a best-selling book.  Every week she interviews a different writer about their own pursuit of personal happiness.  This week she talked to Margaret Roach, a gardening blogger.  I particularly enjoyed this question/answer:
Have you ever been surprised that something you expected would make you very happy, didn’t – or vice versa?
I must confess that I really did think the secret to life was in finding the right partner, and spent a lot of time looking for the Jerry Maguire moment of “you complete me.” Today if someone asked my advice on romance, I’d say not to go looking, but to do what makes you happiest and intersect with love as a natural outgrowth of that. Remain open, but don’t undertake a man (or woman) hunt at the expense of the other things on your wishlist.
(Read the rest on the interview)
Her answer reminded me of one of the hardest lessons of life, especially when you're single, which is this: A relationship is never going to make you happy if you can't be happy being single.

That is straight truth!

As boring and lonely as being single can be, if you're utterly miserable, there is other shit going on that you need to deal with first.  You gotta figure out how to be happy on your own.  If your life feels like it's missing something, you gotta fill that metaphorical hole for yourself before someone else can come around and... well, literally fill your hole.  (Did you like that?  That was a sex joke.)

So if you're lonely, spend time your friends.  If you're bored, get into your hobbies, or start some new ones. If you're still blaming shit on your ex, stop it, take some responsibility for the relationship ending, learn something from it, and then get off your ass and devote yourself to those hobbies and friends.  Those hobbies and friends are totally the answer.

The lesson you end up learning is by surrounding yourself with things and people you love, you'll be too distracted to feel sorry for yourself.  If you take it a little further, push yourself a little harder, go outside your comfort zone, take more chances, you'll be stronger than ever and probably have more interesting things to talk about.  So not only does it help the time pass more quickly, it also makes you more attractive, which is a total win/win.  If you're lucky, eventually you'll find someone new along the way.

When I was still single, after I grew bored of all the self-help books, I started hanging out with a friend who rode bikes a lot.  Then I got really into bikes.  And then I met a guy who was really into bikes too.  And then one day me and the guy were really into each other.  It took months but in retrospect it seems so easy.  Step one is simple: get a bike.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Pros and office hoes

From the Hairpin

Pros and Cons of Dating: Someone You Work With
Pro: Your entire life becomes wrapped up in a tidy package between work, the bar, and his apartment. If you’re lucky, it’s all along the same bus line and there’s a grocery store on the way so you can get some errands done.
Con: Anytime you’re like, “great presentation, Kevin!” everybody rolls their eyes because they know you’re sleeping with him. 

Read the rest

See also:
Found these from my friend Scott!

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Single on Valentine's Day?

Erin Gibson from InfoMania is here to help with this video.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

You must protect your soul

Bahaha! OMG this is good. From the Frenemy blog:

A Recipe To Try: A Good First Date

I like this because it includes specific instructions, starting with finding the right person:
Find somebody good on paper. Intelligent but really ‘hold your doors open’ nice. Kind of sarcastic but not that good at it as you are. Has a nice pair of glasses and plays Sudoku.

To dating prep:
Shower all the parts of your body you have, spraying the body spray on the neck and the breast things. Use lotion and shave your toes. 

To arrival:
Go to bar. Arrive late. Awkward hug. Giggle. Order beer. 

To goodnight:
Don’t go home with them. Remember that you are a lady, a Winona Ryder in Little Women, and mostly remember that no relationships start on one night stands and you will snag this person! You will do all the right things with this person!

Read the whole thing here, trust me it's funny.

Thanks Annie!

Friday, February 4, 2011

Aww shiiit.

My friend over at Dolphin & Condor found these amazing Valentines Day bears!  Get one for yourself or your valentine at Love is Lame.

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Big news.

Wow, they just announced that Match.Com bought OkCupid for $50 million!

Does it mean we have to pay for OkCupid now?

Remember when OkCupid had that OkTrends blog article called Why You Should Never Pay For Online Dating? It starts off by saying "sites like and eHarmony (are) fundamentally broken, and broken in ways that most people don't realize."  (The article doesn't exist on the OkCupid blog anymore, but you can read the cached version, courtesy Google search.)

I guess if your competitor offers you $50 mil you gotta take it and make the most of it.  I just hope they keep Match and OkCupid separate.  OkCupid is so nerdy and hip as it is, the only thing I'd want to be different is some higher quality men on there... (if I was still looking, which I'm not.)

If you had to pay for OkCupid but were promised better features and a larger and more active online community, how much would you be willing to throw down?  $5 a month?  $10?  $20 seems too high...  And I always hated that for you have to pay $35/month for 1 month or $20/month for 3.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

The Simpsons always putting your life into perspective

Great compilation of Simpsons quotes on PhDs and Grad School:

Don't forget 30 Rock's contribution...

When you need to say I'm sorry, or thanks, or happy birthday

From someecards.  Thanks for tip, Annie!

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Ninth grade favorites

One of my buddies asked on F-book, "What was your favorite song in ninth grade?"  I'm sure there were many, many more favorite songs, but this is the first I came up with:

It seems like so long ago I was a high school freshman, it was 1993-4.  I remember making a taped copy of my older brothers Breeders CD and listening to this song over and over on my Walkman.  Old school!