February 20, 1979

My 30th birthday was amazing. I'm so grateful for all my friends who came to Vegas to help celebrate. I felt so loved.

IMG taken by the lovely Bonzai Aphrodite

My therapist told me to use my birthday as an excuse to reflect on my life: where it is, where it's going. I was stuck at home with a chest cold last week trying to reflect on things and really struggling to find something positive. There's nothing like an illness to make you feel worse about yourself.

I keep waiting for the lightbulb. Something to click. My friends keep telling me "You are amazing! If only you realized how amazing you are! We're going to keep saying it until you believe it!"

Depression is hard. I can't sit back and wait for the right words to snap me out of it. The only thing that will work is HARD WORK. If I want things to be different, I need to force myself to do things differently. Action precedes motivation, or so they say.

Right now the only thing that makes sense is to throw myself into research work for a while.

And I could possibly benefit from a wardrobe update. I swear I have socks that are eight years old. I'm 30. I deserve new socks.