Sunday, July 18, 2010

It's complicated.

I made a friend laugh when I told her I wouldn't 'friend' a guy on Facebook even though I'd been dating him for several weeks.  Just because I'm sleeping with a guy doesn't mean I need to see his old vacation photos.  Or vice versa.  There's boundaries, right?

I learned the hard way how humiliating it is to break up with someone in person and then again on your shared social media networks.  In Facebook, as soon as you list yourself as 'no longer in a relationship,' the sidebar advertisements are asking, 'Want to win back your ex?'  It's insulting. But the really weird part is YOU CLICK ON IT.  Because YOU ARE SAD.

Okay, when I said 'you' just then?  I meant 'me.'

Spending the past two years basically single has taught me how annoyingly shameless some people are about their relationships.  It's hard out there for the broken hearted.  F-book is especially rife with reminders.

Take the relationship status for example, which now includes the anniversary option.

Even if you're not married, you can inform your social network the precise day you two hooked up.

Who wants to know this?  Nobody.

It gets me thinking about things I don't want to be thinking about.  Like, what day of the week was that?  Were you drunk? What exactly does your anniversary mean?  Was it the first time you (a) made-out, (b) fucked, or (c) the day you had a heart-to-heart discussion in which you mutually agreed you were officially a couple? I'm assuming it goes in that order. Sometimes (a) and (b) happens at the same time and (c) never happens at all.  How slutty are you, anyway?

Then there's the F-book wedding announcement.

Am I obligated to comment or 'Like' when someone in my network announces their marriage this way? Am I an asshole if I don't?  Don't get me started on F-book babies.  Let's just say I make good use of my news feed settings to remove some proud mommies.  (Though it's the serial complainers who were the first to go.)

Look, I don't mean to sound like a total hater.  I still believe F-book is useful.  I use it a lot to communicate with friends, but I also understand why some people are jumping ship and deleting their accounts for good.  It can get downright exasperating.  It sucks you in because you're bored at work and desperate and then it's information overload.

I put effort into making F-book more usable.  Besides blocking certain people from my news feed, I'm also slowly extracting details of my personal life from my profile and updating less.  Do the secretaries at work really need to see my 30th birthday pictures or that I self-identify as agnostic?  I'm still listed as 'Single' and 'Interested in Men,' only for the benefit of single men who happen to come across my page and happen to care.  I imagine that once I'm actually in a relationship, in real life, I will remove that too.  No 'In A Relationship,' just a blank field.  It's nobody's goddamn business, anyway.  Man, does that make me sound really old?

I can't imagine how aggravating F-book would be if I was still in high school, when I genuinely cared about people I didn't even like, and worse, cared very much what they thought of me.  Here are a few actual status updates from an actual 19-year-old girl upon listing herself as 'in a relationship.'
  • I just want you to know, i've found a reason for me to change who I used to be, a reason to start over new, and the reason is you 
  • work until 10....missing the boyfriend way too much 
  • I'm here without you baby, but you're still on my lonely mind, I think about you baby, and I dream about you all the time 
  • I wanna be your everything
  • oh baby I need you now 
Does she realize her aunts and uncles read this stuff?  The internet is forever, people!  Keep your pants on!

(Thanks, D. for the submission)

1 comment:

Dolphin and Condor Fabrics said...

Thank you for using my cousin's barf inducing love comments from f-book! I can't wait for the breakup! Does that make me a bad person?

Here are some recent status updates from her:

-I'm glad that you came into my life,I'm so glad ♥

-went on a long walk with the bestie...wish he was here ♥

-It'll all get better in time ♥

And this gem was written by him to her:

-hey bb as long as you are happy with how you are changing then im happy wit you

Clearly a scholar in that giant field known as love.

In all honesty, I've been thinking lately about getting rid of my f-book page. But, I like your idea instead reduce personal info...