Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Worst Blind Date Ever

Dear Reddit: What is your worst blind date experience? (self.AskReddit)
submitted 1 hour ago by myonkin

I chatted a girl up online for about a week or so, and things went pretty well, so we decided to meet up. I asked her out for dinner, and said that if things went alright we'd go grab a drink.

Let's just say her photo didn't match her appearance. Her excuse was that she had a crazy ex that was stalking her, so she used her sister's photo and name. HER NAME!!! SHE LIED ABOUT HER NAME! Anyway, come to find out through our "interview" that she was an only child. She didn't catch her slip up, but I sure did. She rambled on and on and on about crap I really couldn't have cared less about.

Then came the food. The waitress may as well have brought it out in a trough, as this woman didn't use her utensils. Did I mention we were at a steak restaurant? That's right folks, she picked her steak up and ate it with her hands. Let's not even get into the potatoes. It was the worst date of my life.

Here was this fat, disgusting, uninteresting "thing" with no table manners, devouring her food in front of me. I couldn't eat my meal. I told her I wasn't feeling well and that I was just going to get my food in a box to go and I'd eat it later if I felt better. Her response: "Would you mind if I ate it?"

You would think this person hadn't eaten in a week, as she proceeded to devour my dinner as well. She ate both steaks, both sets of mashed potatoes, all the bread, everything.

The waitress comes over and says "Goodness. When is your due date?" So she says that she is due in 2 months. WTF?!?!? First off, I couldn't believe the waitress asked then, but then was floored at the girl's response. Unbelievable.

Being the gentleman that I am, I picked up the check because hey, it wasn't going to pay itself, and I'd much rather fit the bill for dinner than go to jail. I kindly said it was "nice to meet you" got in my car and went to the bar.

She followed me. She followed me to the bar, and when I got out of my car proceeded to berate me over why I was going out instead of going home. Now she's calling me a liar in the parking lot of the bar I frequent, and my work buddies are starting to roll in. I never heard the end of it. I said to hell with this crap, got in my car, and drove the hell home.


Dolphin and Condor Fabrics said...

Wow. I'm speechless.

Nick said...

Good story. I would hope that someone 7 months in would be distinguishable from a normally big person...