Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Computer Camp Love

I'm a month late finding out about Cupidtino, the online dating site for Mac fans that is "not affiliated with or endorsed by Apple." It sounds like a complete joke, right?

It is not a joke!  This is the real thing!  I created a profile last night, initially in jest, but the entire time I kept thinking, "this is actually really cool." The user interface is very slick and... Appley.

Within 8 hours I have 366 profile views and 4 messages.

Here they are the messages I've received so far in their entirety.
  1. good morning lady
  2. What makes you a music and science nerd?
  3. Nice to meet you! Im Juan from Uruguay...
  4. Dearest Science Hipster Nerd (SHN),

    Don't worry, SHN is not a new STD although given that is has a horrible acronym one can't help but wonder. Wonder about that plus how anyone could possibly ever write an introductory message to a young lady and have the very first sentence be about STDs and then hope to get a reply.

    So you see, the universe is a weird and wild place with all kinds of randomness and random people. Some of whom enjoy being around other people, some of whom would rather just be at home alone playing video games and chatting with girls online. Or (worst case) writing emails to random women online who's only picture is one of them wearing an incredibly tacky semi transparent red hat in an effort to accompany her red handbag, red pen, red (ish) jacket, red necklace, red drink and (I presume) red undergarments (more classier way of saying red lingerie, oui, oui.)

    Perfect for a red hed.

    Ok, I'm overdosing on this red thing.

    Truth be told I prefer the slightly more subdued tones that come from the color blue. But I also prefer to spell the word color "colour". So ya. I could go on and on about that and begin talking about the metric system and other super sexy stuff but I don't want to spoil all the mystery in my very first email to you so I'll hold back just a little bit ...

    One final note on the red thing ... why in the name of god do you not have red fingernails? Looks like you might have red lipstick. So unlike you to be so-unperfectionist like that. Sometimes I feel like I don't even know you. Sigh.

    Oh and just for the record (this is me being competitive), I have my original Mac which dates back to 2001. Well ok ... I gave it to an ex-girlfriend but now I have a total of six MacBooks of various shapes and sizes. Side effect of working for Apple is I get all of those goodies for free which leaves me with plenty of $ to spend on girls who are highly unlikely to outlast any one of those six laptops. Sigh, sigh, sigh.

    Enough sighing for one night don't you think?

    Bonne nuit,

What the fuck. What's going on with bachelor #4? My god! Is he negging me? Ugh.

Unfortunately, bachelors #1 and #3 are obviously foreign. Sorry guys.

The one I would most likely respond to is #2. With one simple question he comes across as engaging and interested but not TOO interested. Is that so hard?

The title of this post was inspired by Datarock


Sayward Rebhal said...

I think # 4 sounds funny as hell. It ain't easy writing into the abyss. At least he's trying!

Kate said...

First of all, I can't stand long introductory emails. They make my brain hurt. It's well-written but just comes across as trying too hard.

Second, he's bragging about how many Mac products he can afford. Turnoff.

Third, he's bitching about his past relationships. Turnoff.

Last, he spent an entire paragraph making fun of my Las Vegas hat! WTF? That hat rules! This guy can eat a dick as far as I'm concerned!

Adam said...

I get the impression that #4 is also the sort of guy who says words like "Prithee" in everyday conversation and tries too hard to have affectations.