OK, I don't want to be some angry man-hating blogger bitch who just makes fun of every guy I come across on dating websites. Plenty of guys have been completely okay or mediocre. And a few guys went above and beyond and deserved a good, old-fashioned, passive-aggressive yet surreptitious online mocking. Like the Horny Old Creepy Guy who found me on OKcupid and couldn't stop trying to meet me. And my Pineapple Stalker who couldn't find my dating profile and contacted me at my personal email account instead.
Then there was the Rambling Geeky Bachelor from Cupidtino. I mocked him initially because I perceived his long email as weird and impetuous, but also because he made fun of my profile picture. Even though my profile picture is utterly and completely mockable! I mean, just look at it! I look like a total tool! Sure, I'm smiling and seem to be having fun, but in a really douchey, cheap, Vegas kind of way. I'm wearing beads for Christ's sake.
Eventually, I felt bad for making fun of the Cupidtino guy and decided to write him back. I was friendly, with a heavy dose of clever, light-hearted sarcasm. A few days later he wrote a nice reply, which I then replied to a few days later. I started to think we were hitting it off after all. I still haven't received a third message from him and, sadly, Cupidtino now requires a membership fee to read your messages. Why, Cupidtino? Why do you hate me?
Right now I'm unsure about throwing down the $4.79. I don't believe me and computer guy are going anywhere romantically because he lives in SF and doesn't show his face in his profile picture which means he's probably a dog. (Oh shit, was that bitchy?)
There are just so many questions left unanswered. For example:
- If I let $4.79 stand in the way of romance, does that make me cheap?
- Is $4.79 a lot of money?
- Why is it $4.79 instead of an even $5?
- Is it worth $4.79 if it at least led to an interesting end to this half-assed online dating saga?
- What if it's for blogging purposes only?
- Is assuming this 'had potential to be interesting' mean I am a 'hopeful person'?
- Is it sad that I really want a venti Mocha right now?
- Will I ever get laid?